I think most people go through this battle between self and perception. Nobody really knows who they are until they’ve seen it all. The good, bad and ugly. Until they’ve lost almost everything and found their way back.
That’s why it’s important to not let little things define you because at the end of the day you really don’t know where you’re heading until you get there. Anything can happen at any moment, and until it does you just have to find a way to worry less by living in the now.
-I had to make peace with my past (still in the process)
There was a point in time when my reputation defined me. I constantly would put myself in the center of attention, make poor choices, publicize my life and mistakes, and wake up almost every morning with a different regret.
And there’s nobody to blame but me. I did this to myself. And that confused the hell out of me because for a long time I truly believed the person others perceived me as was the reality. But it wasn’t.
What saved me, in the end, was leaving. I had to literally step away from that life, leave my comfort zone, leave my friends, change my environment and start fresh.
I didn’t run away, I discovered who I was by creating a life that was always meant to be.
Once I left the real me started to unfold little by little. And I fell in love with that person. I was proud to be her. I went from being a disappointment to everyone I knew, to someone who empowers and inspires those around her.
Somebody who is no longer defined by what happened yesterday or a year ago. I found love for myself in a place I didn’t know existed. And that feeling is what keeps me going every single day.
The love u seek is already within you. You just have to find a way to uncover it. Whatever it takes, to reach that place love, gratitude and contentment, do not give up. Because that feeling is everything. It’s the thing that makes you understand why all the bad shit ever happened to you in the first place. It’s the one thing that makes you appreciate all your mistakes, pain and failure. Once you reach this point, everything else falls in place naturally.
Accepting that both my pain and happiness were equally important.
I found love by being real and true to myself no matter what. Not forcing myself to do what people told me, and listening to my heart and mind. Embracing my mistakes, my failures, and my accomplishments. I had to accept I’m not perfect and that’s ok. And see that it’s normal to feel how I did and sadness and anger is a central part of being human.
Stop depending on others.
I relied on people too much, this only led to disappointment and fallouts with people I never expected to hurt me.
But by losing people I loved, I ended up finding myself. There’s always a silver lining in the bad. Sometimes coming apart or realizing someone isn’t who you thought they were is something you need to experience in order to figure out who you are and what you want.
I stopped putting other people’s happiness above my own.
I realized that I can’t make everyone happy. No matter what I do or what I say there will always be someone who doesn’t understand. In order to find happiness in others, you need to establish internal happiness first.
I had to find a way to put myself first. By doing things that felt right to me and listening to my intuition.