I met him at a Halloween party, the end of my sophomore year. We had an intriguing conversation that lasted all night. I never thought I’d see him again, but 6 months later that stranger became the love of my life. We’ve been together for almost three years now. I love my boyfriend and the life we’ve created together. But with graduation around the corner, I have to start considering the future.
Will I move back home? Will I move to a state where I don’t know a single sole? Will I stay with him or will I go?
It’s ok to want different things
At first, I thought it would never work between us if we wanted different things. I mean, shouldn’t couples always be on the same page?
Not necessarily. You can want different things and still build a healthy relationship, as long as you both offer the right support and encouragement, without holding each other back.
You both will face new obstacles around after and before graduation
Serious college relationships can sometimes feel like a marriage, doomed from the start. If you’re dating in college, chances are that you both share a similar goal and mindset: to get good grades, find internships, graduate with your degree, etc. Nobody really thinks about the aftermath. As graduation gets closer, those goals might start to expand towards different directions. After graduation, it’s completely normal to hold a set of new goals. Plenty of new factors come to play after graduation such as financial stability, relocating, long-term goals, work and more.
Do both of you want the same thing?
Ask yourself, what do you want? No matter how much you love someone, I think it’s important to look at the big picture. Sit down with your partner and identify each other’s goals. Have the sensitive talk about your future, and convey any uncertain feelings you may be having.
Listen to your intuition
You are the only person who can decide what’s right or wrong for you. What might work for you, isn’t always going to work for the people you love. As shitty as that may be, its reality.
If you love them and want to be with them, you will ALWAYS find a solution
Relationships aren’t easy, but they are doable. I truly believe if you love someone enough, you always find a way to make things work. It will require mutual effort and understanding of each other’s wants and needs.
It’s okay to choose you
You can’t live your life worrying about someone else’s happiness if it means risking your own. You have a long road ahead of you. Don’t settle down and put aside your goals because you’re afraid to let go or be alone. Focus on your long-term goals, and decide what’s best for you. You are about to begin this new and exciting chapter of your life. It’s ok to want to explore on your own, travel, and do your own thing for once.
Address the problem early
When you allow the problem to linger, it only creates a much bigger storm at the end. And nobody wins. It’s always best to convey any worries ahead of time, rather than waiting to the very last minute. This way you’ll have time to come up with a plan that could potentially benefit both of you and the relationship. Be honest about any uncertain feelings or doubts you may be having about your relationship. Your feelings exist for a reason.
Love yourself first
I will say this, don’t put someone else’s happiness, goals, and dreams before your own. Never change the direction of your life for sake of somebody else–even out of love. The love within should always come first, as selfish as that may sound–people come and go. But you’re always going to be you.
Don’t waste your life trying to make others happy, because it will destroy any chance of self-love. You will always wonder, “what-if…what if I would’ve chosen me instead of them?” There’s absolutely no reason for you to suffer like that.
Don’t be afraid of the future
Instead of fearing what may or may not happen in the upcoming months, aim your emotions towards the positive. For one, you’re about to graduate from college–you should feel proud.
Who knows what will happen between now and then? Nobody. But what I do know is that, if your relationship is strong, loving, and healthy–there’s no reason why it wouldn’t be able to survive this amazing milestone. Just because a new chapter is beginning, does not mean the old one is complete.
My advice: do nothing and wait it out
The best thing for you to do is nothing at all. Don’t let the uncertainty of the future, ruin a good thing. You’re not there yet. You don’t know what’s going to happen. Stressing about it now won’t do any of you good. Let things happen naturally as they are meant to. And regardless of the outcome, always note that you will be ok.